Pain is not something we have to compare. Yet, I’ll bet you’ve already done it, as have I during this COVID season.
Perhaps you are thinking COVID hasn’t really been affecting you deeply because you don’t have someone you love dying in the hospital right now or someone you care about but can’t see in a nursing home. So you minimize your pain because it doesn’t match up to what you imagine someone else’s pain to be.
What if I told you that your suffering is every bit as valid as another person’s suffering? What if I told you that minimizing what you are going through does not increase what someone else’s level of hardship is and it also doesn’t minimize what someone else is going through. What if I told you what is being experienced by you and by the others out there are valid feelings and that you don’t need to imagine a hierarchy where you don’t get the luxury to acknowledge what you are going through simply because you think someone else is going through something worse.
Both/And
Absolutely, be grateful that your kids are healthy, yet don’t deny that you find it challenging to be both teacher and parent sometimes. Be appreciative that you still have a job, if you do, but be honest with yourself that trying to assure a supply of toilet paper is really starting to stress you out and get on your nerves.
Just because you recognize your blessings doesn’t mean that you can’t grieve your losses. Gratefulness and grief can co-exist, thankfulness and pain can too. You can have both appreciation for what you do have as well as a sadness for what you’ve lost in regard to experiences, options, connections, and choices due to this blankety-blank pandemic.
So, grieve that you can’t yet freely go out to a restaurant or gather face-to-face with friends. Rejoice that you are breathing without a ventilator, of course, but don’t pretend you are doing something good for you and noble by denying what you are really feeling and struggling with.
Grieve AND Be Grateful
Acknowledging the fact that you’re hurting or stressed as well as that you are grateful and blessed is okay. It’s honest, and the truth does set us free.
Grateful for my husband AND tired of the pandemic masks!
